The Day My Baby Was Born
After I was induced, I had the expectation of a calm, controlled process. Contractions were rough, but once the epidural set in, I settled in. Someone told me to “push with my butt”—sounds weird but it helped! I had several nurses who tried to convince me that I would push a lot better without an epidural and talked me into letting it wear off. I will never know the truth behind that, but I really wish I would not have let them talk me into it! I was just looking forward to the sweet Golden Hour. I read about letting the baby find their way to nurse for the first time. All of the treatments, all of the stress and worry—it was about to be over!
Pushing started! Pushing…count to ten…Pushing…and More PUSHING! This went on for two hours. Different nurses would come in and out, and I was just pushing. I learned later the doctors and nurses were moments from taking me for an emergency C-section when a procedure was performed. Again, I had been pushing for so long and no one told me not to push, so HE ARRIVED! Literally in flight…the video is wild!
My “Golden Hour” turned into about 60 seconds to touch his head, see that he was real, and then they took him away and told me “I had a little tear.” I learned later that my “little tear” was a severe 4th-degree tear. I was immediately “under the clock to be stitched back together,” and the surgery took an hour and forty-five minutes.
I do not remember a tremendous amount of detail from that time. The pain was so extreme, I genuinely thought I was dying. It was a very traumatic experience that lingered for weeks, but in that moment, it was just a blur. I believe my body used that mental fog as a way to protect me. I passed out several times, and every time I woke up, all I could focus on was: “How much longer? I just want to hold my baby and know what he looks like.”
I asked my parents if he looked like me, and my mom cried as she assured me he did and was mine. It was a blessing that my husband was able to be with the baby and was spared from knowing how serious my condition was in the moment. While he was there bonding with him, my parents were close by advocating for me.
He was a perfect and . He spent the first night in the NICU, but we were able to sneak in to see him before bed and early in the morning. I was too weak and in too much pain to hold him alone unless I was sitting in bed, so they brought him to me the next morning.